I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
he fucked my hip out of place.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
