Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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