I feel great
I just peed on a car
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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