what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
