i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
