i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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