If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Can you bring me the toilet please
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize