All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
