you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
