somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
