So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize