maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
i think i have herpe
just one?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
we're so committed to being not committed
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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