So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
