Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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