i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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