doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
now i know why i became what i already was.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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