he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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