If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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