Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
