I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
