so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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