i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
