Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
my poor anus
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Randomize
