thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
