I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Randomize