Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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