were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Randomize
