Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
