You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Randomize