I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
This is my gift to your gina
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
