things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize