Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
