Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
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