Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
