I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
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