at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
