I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
