I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize