Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
