I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
i think i have herpe
just one?
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
