You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
