she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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