My nipple is on Facebook.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
