Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Randomize