last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
