I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
