i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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