He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
