The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
