I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
