i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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