so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
