I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Randomize
