you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Randomize
