whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
