i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
