we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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