Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Randomize
