I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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