You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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