It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
