did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
