My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I'm like, not good at living.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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