He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
