Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
