i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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