Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Randomize