Your dad touched me again.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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