PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
