Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
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